Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
