I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
