Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
