She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize