what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
