You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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