would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize