ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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