her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
