like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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