Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
