there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
you never un-have a 4some
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
