You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
