sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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