Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
