I haven't been this sober since birth.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
