Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
