Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
