Your face is a jimmy john
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
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