Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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