I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
