College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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