Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
