whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
