Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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