I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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