just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
