Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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