Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
