I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
