I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
