Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
