And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i wish my penis had a tongue
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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