my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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