I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
meet me or not, i'm out of control
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
