I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
