Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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