I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
