Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
