it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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