The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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