Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
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