Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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