Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
