it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
