Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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