You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
