Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
