billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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