We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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