508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
