we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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