you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
