i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
