I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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