Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
