Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
