Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
