Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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