she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
