you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
