He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
