My boss' voice literally gives me gas
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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