was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
