one two three fourrrrnication!
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
we should paint friendship bongs
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