Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
