i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Boobs are out for the taking
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Randomize
