I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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