just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
