we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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