so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
