i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
