Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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