My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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