now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
dude i'm inner monologue high
Its about making memories worth repressing
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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