I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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