She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
