apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
