just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
